Yup, it’s that time again! I hope you’re in a good mood already, but if not, maybe these jokes will help …
–How do knitters travel?
By cable car!
–Why did the knitter join the dating service?
Answer: Because she wanted to get en-gauge-ed!
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Okay, fair warning, you need to have a sense of humor for this one …
Three pregnant women were knitting sweaters for their soon-to-arrive babies, and chatting.
The first one said to the others, “I’m taking folic acid, so my baby will be healthy and have a robust immune system.”
The second said, “Oh, I’m taking lots of calcium so my baby will be strong and grow tall.”
The third said, “I’m taking Thalidomide.”
The others reacted, of course, with horror. “Thalidomide! Why would you take that?”
“Because I don’t know how to knit sleeves.”
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There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. Nothing was held back. Well, almost nothing. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $250,000. Holy Moley! He asked her about the contents.
“When we were to be married,” she started, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily.” The old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were inside the box! She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
“Honey,” he said, “that explains the doilies, but…. what about all this money? Where did it all come from?”
“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the doilies.
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A serial killer is going round stabbing people with a knitting needle -but police believe they will catch him soon because he is working to a pattern!!!!!!!
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A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked “Who created the Earth and man?” The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, “GOD!” The Priest looked at him and said, “That’s right.” Then he asked “Who is God’s son?” Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, “Jesus Christ!” Again, the priest said, “Correct.” Finally, the priest asked, “What did Eve say to Adam when she didn’t want any more children?” The knitter poked her husband again, but this time he screamed “Poke me with that thing one more time and I’m going to rip it off!” The priest smiled and said, “That’s right.”
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An astronaut, a nun, and a knitter walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “what is this, some kind of joke?”
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Why can’t dyslexics knit?
They’re always tinking instead!
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Why isn’t knitting allowed on airplanes?
They’re afraid you’ll knit an Afghan! (Sorry, I had to do it 😉 )
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Hugzzz 😎