{"id":2717,"date":"2013-08-18T17:49:44","date_gmt":"2013-08-19T00:49:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/?p=2717"},"modified":"2013-08-18T17:49:44","modified_gmt":"2013-08-19T00:49:44","slug":"10-ways-knitters-will-survive-the-zombie-apocalypse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/?p=2717","title":{"rendered":"10 Ways Knitters will survive the zombie apocalypse …"},"content":{"rendered":"

So you now the drill, the zombie apocalypse is upon us and natural selection has started to weed out the weak from the strong. Have no fear though, as a knitter, you’ll definitely be one of the survivors as your non-knitting friends start to drop like flies. Why? Here’s my Top 10 ways for knitters to survive\u00a0 the zombie apocalypse …<\/p>\n

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  1. You can dazzle the zombies with color while you make your escape … Just like holding up a red flag at a bull, you can bedazzle hungry zombies into forgetting about their lunch or dinner with the brilliantly colored fair isle project that you completed last week. Or maybe it’s that Stephen West shawl you wore to the opera yesterday? Whatever you choose to use, you can run while the zombies are looking at your work and saying preeety …<\/li>\n
  2. Tie them up with Phentex – You can set elaborate snares using that old Phentex yarn that you inherited from your grandmother. As we all know, that stuff will survive the next nuclear war and ice age, so it will be more than strong enough to string up a few zombies in a nice trap again while you make a hasty retreat. Make sure you don’t use the new stuff you got recently.<\/li>\n
  3. Knit the zombies bacon – We all know food will be at a premium come the apocalypse, and we know that zombies love meat! Yup, no vegetarians here! Everybody knows that nobody can resist bacon, so knit some for the zombies! Here’s a link to a pattern and you can even throw in a couple eggs while you’re at it! Ravelry Bacon Scarf pattern<\/a> … for you non-knitters, you can try and convince Chris to make you one like this …\"bacon-scarf\"<\/a><\/li>\n
  4. Spin a yarn … That’s right, tell the zombies a great tale to keep them from focusing on your juicy loins. Music soothes the savage beast, but everybody will enjoy sitting around and listening to a really good story. As knitters we have hundreds in our heads from doing just that – sitting around knitting and listening to the wisdom of our elders as great stories are passed down.<\/li>\n
  5. Soften them up with cashmere … It pains me to suggest this, but if your life is in the balance … grab your cashmere or Malabrigio or High Desert Fiberworks Angora and throw it at them. Yes, throw it at them. I know, it’s a painful thought, but when faced with a horde of zombies, sometimes flight is better than fight. While they’re oohing and aahing at the softness of the yarn you’ve just thrown at them, it’s time to make a hasty retreat.<\/li>\n
  6. Knit some gloves … ??? Yup, that’s right. Once you’ve knit your gloves, you’ll gift them to Daryl Dixon, and he’ll be so indebted to you that he’ll become your best friend and protect you from those blood thirsty, meat loving, sons of … get the point?? Hey Daryl, I have some for you in camouflage green and I can make you a matching sweater – even though you don’t seem the type to wear sweaters. If Daryl is already taken(by me, hehe), Michonne is a very close second! I bet she’d love a scarf!!\"dandm\"<\/a><\/li>\n
  7. Hold a Knittervention – there’s safety in numbers and two heads are better than one. Well, how about 100? Hold a big get together with all your fellow knitters where you can brainstorm ideas on how to get rid of the zombies – and\/or maybe even come up with a cure! The zombies will stay away from the sheer number of you that there are!<\/li>\n
  8. Yarn bomb them – that’s right, after you’ve caught them (see #2), stitch them together by yarn bombing them. They’ll never be able to get away and you can go abut your day as if everything is hunky dory!<\/li>\n
  9. Knit a zombie armband – if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. The best way to not have a zombie kill you is to have them think you’re one of them! So knit yourself a cool armband that makes it look like you’ve been bitten and turned, and then just blend in with the rest of them. It also helps if you smear a bit of Zombie guts on yourself so you smell like them too. I know it’s disgusting, but it will save your life!\"zombie<\/a><\/li>\n
  10. Stick a needle in their eye … You need a blow to the head to kill a zombie, and what’s better than a knitting needle to the eye? NOTHING!! and i don’t mean your Addi clicks or Signatures either. You’ll need those to knit yourself sweaters and coats to stay warm. Dig into your stash and find those steel ones from the 40’s and 50’s that you were planning to give away to the thrift store. Those suckers will do nicely – the bigger the better! And you won’t have to worry about cleaning them either. Leave the blood on ’em to show how many you’ve killed!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Well, good luck in the upcoming apocalypse. I’m ready, are you??<\/p>\n

    Hugzzz \ud83d\ude0e<\/p>\n

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    So you now the drill, the zombie apocalypse is upon us and natural selection has started to weed out the weak from the strong. Have no fear though, as a knitter, you’ll definitely be one of the survivors as your non-knitting friends start to drop like flies. Why? Here’s my Top 10 ways for knitters […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pmpro_default_level":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[196,8,187],"tags":[597,838,969,971,1024,837],"class_list":{"0":"post-2717","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-community","7":"category-discussion","8":"category-just-knitting","9":"tag-bacon","10":"tag-bacon-scarf","11":"tag-knitting","12":"tag-needles","13":"tag-yarn-bombing","14":"tag-zombie-apocalypse","15":"pmpro-has-access","16":"czr-hentry"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pNDS0-HP","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2717","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2717"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2717\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2725,"href":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2717\/revisions\/2725"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2717"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2717"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ittakesballstoknit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2717"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}